Schlagwort-Archive: Fear

This thing about honesty

This Thing about Honesty

Is honesty the way to be?
To what extent does honesty free?
What if every honest step,
Pushes your goals further back?

How does one know how to react?
Is it meant honestly or more abstract?
How does one know what the counterpart means?
We are all humans and no machines…

Is it honest if nothing is said?
Or is it a lie in someone else’s head?
Does silence make you understand?
Or does it make things get out of hand?

How honest is it to simply turn away?
Is it honest to have nothing to say?
How honest is it to let others assume?
What’s honest to me could be a lie to you.

How honest is it to not have the guts?
Is it because we don’t give a fuck?
Or is it because we give too much?
To whom do we lie if we just give up?

How honest are we when scared of hurt?
Hurting ourselves or others in this world?
Some things are said not to be heard,
How can we be honest if we don’t hear the words?

Jan Wendler
12.07.2015

This poem is about people assuming that they are honest. Honesty has many layers. Most people want others to be honest to them. But are they honest to others as well?

 

Riding on a winters day.

Riding on a winters day

Riding bus the way to town
On a winters day.
Not sure whether to smile or frown,
Don’t know what to say.

Wanting but not needing,
Better to stay alone.
Working on the feelings,
To finally find a home.

Never felt this way before
Something inside is free
Living civilized but feeling raw
Experiencing the extreme

Wake up each day hope for the best
Mostly it works out.
Then the jester fumbles the rest
And back it goes way down.

Driving away and leaving town
Still on a winters day
Forcing a smile before laying down
To shut inner fears away.

Jan Wendler
21.01.2015

This is a poem about someone living a life he was born into but realizing he got lost somewhere along the way. This is a poem about struggling to make it right in everyday life and realizing that the task is not that easy. A poem about searching and not necessarily finding.

 

Fear

Fear

I sit here now, I sit right here,
Wondering what so much I fear.
I feel strange, I feel alone;
I know that I’m far away from home.

For me, home is just a word,
That somewhere, sometime, I once have heard,
And without it that what’s always here
Is constantly an incredible fear.

I feel like I’ve committed a sin,
Oh tell me, why can’t I just fit in?
When I try, one thing I learn,
What I’m good at is to crash and burn.

Now, when I’m in a crowd, I am still alone,
Though, in a different life, I once shone.
Now, I am so scared, I feel so lost.
And to live, this is such a great cost.

The fear gets stronger,
The pain lasts longer.
The days go by,
And my heart does cry.

How I would want to just break free,
Out of this trap that’s retaining me
From living my life the way I want it to be,
From reaching the shore of this deep sea.

Jan Wendler
22 December 1996

Oh yeah, I still remember exactly when I wrote this 🙂 My apprenticeship was almost over and we had a christmas dinner together in a restaurant paid by the company.

I wrote this during the supper while everyone was chatting, kindly ignoring me 🙂

 

Nightmare

Nightmare

When I lie down and go to bed,
I run to you inside my head.
When I reach you, then all I see,
Is your sweetness waiting for me.

What a kind thought,
This dream me has brought.
Thus now I shall make
It through the next day.

Sometimes I do not dream this,
Then my dream is the devil’s kiss.
I run to you, and what I find,
Freezes my heart, I wish I was blind.

It stabs my heart with a poisoned dart.
Kills my belief,
Fills me with grief.

Pleasure is so close to pain,
And what one sees is such a shame.
My heart cracked apart when I saw you there,
With someone else you yourself shared.

Jan Wendler
20.10.1996

Wrote this during my apprenticeship. It’s not really about a woman but more life in general.