I sit here now, I sit right here,
Wondering what so much I fear.
I feel strange, I feel alone;
I know that I’m far away from home.

For me, home is just a word,
That somewhere, sometime, I once have heard,
And without it that what’s always here
Is constantly an incredible fear.

I feel like I’ve committed a sin,
Oh tell me, why can’t I just fit in?
When I try, one thing I learn,
What I’m good at is to crash and burn.

Now, when I’m in a crowd, I am still alone,
Though, in a different life, I once shone.
Now, I am so scared, I feel so lost.
And to live, this is such a great cost.

The fear gets stronger,
The pain lasts longer.
The days go by,
And my heart does cry.

How I would want to just break free,
Out of this trap that’s retaining me
From living my life the way I want it to be,
From reaching the shore of this deep sea.

Jan Wendler
22 December 1996

Oh yeah, I still remember exactly when I wrote this 🙂 My apprenticeship was almost over and we had a christmas dinner together in a restaurant paid by the company.

I wrote this during the supper while everyone was chatting, kindly ignoring me 🙂


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